Monday, June 6, 2011

Eulogy: 2011 Celtics

Dear friends, family and opponents,

we are gathered here to mourn the dead end of a few NBA careers.

Shaquille O'Neal called it quits as the oldest player in the NBA and (not) playing like it with a serious ache that would not go away.

Jermaine O'Neal and Kevin Garnett are shells of their former All-Star selves, like cars with 140k on them that one day perform like a new Rolls Royce and the next day have to be taken into the shop because the check engine light is on. These guys are either going to get traded by the deadline or hurt the Celtics for years because of the opportunity cost that their contracts could get from a true contender.

Ray Allen and Paul Pierce are in that special part of their careers where they are good enough for management to stick with for awhile, and bad enough that this loyalty will prolong any rebuilding and championship mode. We are more likely to see Paul Pierce wheeled around a nursing home in a wheelchair than ever see him have a dramatic comeback in a finals game.

And, though the Celtics have only Pierce and Rondo signed for 2012, and have an eminently friendly contract for Rondo, we may see them mess this up by signing Dwight Howard and therefore getting two players who cannot handle the ball in the last 2 minutes of a close game because of poor free throw shooting.

Anyways, great idea to trade Perk! Bye-bye title hopes for next season and hello over-paying Jeff Green to be a future because if they don't the trade will look like a total waste.